When Do Narcissistic Fathers File for Full Custody?
We see it all the time. A narcissistic father who was disengaged during the marriage, often absent at the births, uninvolved in day-to-day parenting, emotionally unavailable, or even denying paternity, suddenly files for full custody.
Now he’s showing up in court claiming he was always the primary caregiver. So what’s really going on?
Why Is He Filing for Full Custody Now?
When a narcissistic father files for full custody—especially after a history of minimal involvement—it’s rarely about the child. More often, it’s about control, manipulation, and self-preservation.
Here are three common reasons:
To inflict further harm on the protective parent.
Filing for custody is another weapon in the arsenal of post separation abuse. It creates chaos, drains resources, and destabilizes the mother emotionally and psychologically.To secure or impress a new partner.
Many narcissistic fathers suddenly become “devoted” dads after entering a new relationship. The new partner is often expected to provide the actual caregiving—while the narcissist collects praise for being “involved.”To avoid paying child support.
Full custody can eliminate or reduce financial obligations. For some narcissists, dodging child support is enough motivation to upend everyone’s life.
It’s About Image, Control, and Power
This isn’t about what’s best for the children. It’s about how the narcissist wants to be perceived—by the court, their new partner, or their own ego. It’s about controlling the narrative and punishing the parent who dared to leave.
This tactic can catch protective parents off guard, especially when they’ve been the consistent, stable force in their child’s life all along. But make no mistake—this is a pattern, and it’s one that requires a strategic response.
What You Can Do
If your narcissistic ex is filing for full custody, it’s time to move quickly and strategically. The court is not always equipped to see through manipulative behavior. That’s why preparation matters.
A Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach can help you develop a personalized strategy that includes:
Effective documentation
Strategic communication
Courtroom preparation
Emotional regulation techniques
Our coaches understand the family court system because they’ve been there. Many are survivors themselves. They’re trained to help you stay grounded, focused, and empowered, especially when the narcissist is playing a long game of manipulation.
You don’t have to fight this battle alone. Find your Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach today.
