How Do I Stay in Reality When the Narcissist Keeps Gaslighting Me?
Psychological abuse does not end when the relationship ends. In many cases, it gets worse. The gaslighting continues. Now it shows up in court filings, emails, visitation exchanges, and parenting communication.
The narcissist’s ability to twist reality, create confusion, and destabilize your sense of truth does not go away when you leave. In fact, they often increase the pressure. It can leave you questioning your own memory, instincts, and sanity.
So how do you hold on to reality when someone is actively trying to erase it
The Narcissist Is Still Gaslighting You
Whether it involves a missed visitation, a medical decision, a school form, or even a conversation that never happened, the narcissist will keep rewriting events in order to provoke and disorient you.
Gaslighting is not just lying. It is a form of psychological abuse designed to make you doubt yourself. In family court, this tactic becomes even more dangerous because it can affect how professionals view you.
That is why you need a clear and simple way to protect your truth.
Use This Grounding Exercise When You Are Being Gaslit
When you feel confusion setting in, whether it is in court, in a message, or during a difficult exchange, use your phone, a notebook, or even a scrap of paper to complete this exercise:
Write three short statements:
Here is what happened
Here is what they said happened
Here is what did not happen
Example:
Here is what happened: Seth twisted Piper’s arm
Here is what Seth said happened: Piper was running away and he saved her from traffic
Here is what did not happen: Piper was not running away and Seth did not save her from anything
You are not explaining yourself. You are not arguing. You are documenting reality for your own clarity.
This tool helps you separate the truth from the lie. It gives you a stable place to stand when everything around you feels disorienting.
Why This Matters
Gaslighting is meant to knock you off center. This exercise helps you hold your ground. It is not about ignoring your emotions. It is about honoring them in safe spaces, not in the presence of someone who will twist them against you.
In the moment, your job is to stay clear and strategic. Later, when you are with someone safe, you can feel the full weight of what happened.
This Is Not Your Fault
You are not imagining things. You are not too emotional. You are responding to a very real form of psychological abuse. That fog you feel is not weakness. It is a warning sign.
Your truth matters. And there are ways to stay connected to it.
A Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach can help you stay grounded, build protective tools, and navigate the system with strategy and strength. Many of our coaches have lived this and are trained to guide you through it.
You are not the problem. The abuse is the problem. And you are taking your power back.
