This Is What Gaslighting Looks Like in a High Conflict Divorce Case
Just because it is said under oath does not mean it is not gaslighting.
In high conflict divorces, gaslighting becomes one of the most powerful weapons in the narcissist’s arsenal. It is used to distort reality, exhaust you emotionally, and weaken your credibility in front of the court.
We believe in calling it what it is. Narcissistic abusers and their legal teams often rely on gaslighting to confuse professionals, silence victims, and rewrite history.
Here are three of the most common forms of gaslighting during a high conflict divorce:
1. Pushing for a Reaction
Narcissists will deliberately say, do, or imply things that only the victim will understand. These statements are designed to hit private nerves and provoke an emotional response. The narcissist knows this and uses it intentionally, often while maintaining a calm, controlled exterior. When the victim reacts, the narcissist appears confused or afraid, leaving professionals to assume the victim is unstable or overly emotional.
2. Altering the Past
This can happen through false testimony, selective storytelling, or even the manipulation of physical evidence. Some abusers have gone so far as to alter photos, edit text messages, or misrepresent documents. The goal is to make you question your own memory and judgment until you begin to doubt your version of events. The more uncertain you feel, the more control they gain.
3. Triangulation
Once court professionals become involved, the narcissist often crafts an image of being calm, rational, and cooperative. They charm evaluators, attorneys, and judges while painting you as irrational or vindictive. This dynamic leaves victims feeling isolated and second guessing themselves. It is a calculated act meant to shift credibility and further entrench the narrative that the abuser is the “healthy” one.
Why Naming It Matters
Gaslighting thrives in silence. When you can name what is happening, you start to reclaim your sense of reality. Recognizing these tactics allows you to respond strategically instead of reactively.
Certified High Conflict Divorce Coaches are trained to help you identify gaslighting, separate truth from manipulation, and plan responses that protect both your emotional wellbeing and your case.
You are not crazy. You are being conditioned to question your sanity. Once you see the pattern, you cannot unsee it, and that awareness is the beginning of power.
Want support during your high conflict divorce or custody battle (a High Conflict Divorce Coach can help you even if you were never married, and even if you are post divorce). Connect with a coach at: https://www.hcdivorcecoach.com/category
Want to support survivors through their high conflict cases? Explore our coach training program here: https://www.hcdivorcecoach.com/
