I Am a Victim of Financial Abuse: Here Is How I Afforded My High Conflict Divorce Coach
Every week, I hear from women trying to figure out how to survive financial abuse while facing the cost of divorce. This story was shared with me by a survivor who found a way to rebuild her life, one decision at a time. With her permission, I am sharing her experience here because too many people believe financial abuse is the end of the road. It is not.
When my narcissistic ex left me, I had no idea how I would survive, let alone fund my part of the divorce. Here is how I built my divorce team and made it to the other side.
As a mother of elementary-aged children with no job history and no college degree, I had no clue how I would buy groceries or pay rent. I had never heard the word “retainer” outside of an orthodontist’s office. How was I going to pay for an attorney when my husband had drained our accounts and taken all the cash we had saved in the shoebox on our dresser?
I was panicking.
Our internet bill had not been paid, and my husband had even taken my laptop when he left. Using the public library to research financial abuse and how to divorce a narcissist was not on my bingo card, but I am grateful I did. I learned that many people find themselves in my position, or worse, every single day.
Survivors Find Creative Ways to Build Their High Conflict Divorce Team
I realized quickly that I was not in a strong position. My husband had years of work experience, networking connections, money to retain an attorney, and the time to build his legal team.
One day, I came across a post about divorce coaches and went down quite a few rabbit holes. How could I afford something like that when I was worried about having enough money for my child’s lunch? I knew that as a result of stress, my cognitive functioning was compromised and I was in no place to think strategically. I knew I needed a divorce coach but not just any divorce coach, based on what I read, I knew I needed a High Conflict Divorce Coach.
It was October, and both my birthday and Christmas were coming up. I have two sisters, and I told them what was going on. For the holidays, I asked if they would be willing to help pay for an initial consultation with a High Conflict Divorce Coach. They were more than happy to help and surprised me by paying for three sessions.
High Conflict Divorce Coaches Help You Take Control of Your Financial Future
In that first consultation, I explained my situation. My coach understood immediately. We talked about the dynamics of financial abuse, and I realized how isolated I had been. I also felt seen for the first time in months. My situation was not unusual, it was textbook.
My coach helped me create a plan to meet our basic needs. She connected me with resources I could apply for locally and nationally, and even helped me find small, realistic ways to earn extra income. Most importantly, she helped me understand what was and was not within my control financially.
Here are some of the creative ways I made, received, or saved money to pay for sessions with a Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach:
Asked for sessions from family and friends as birthday and holiday gifts
Donated plasma once a week
Sold clothing and household items online
Took a night job delivering food
Stopped buying new items and only shopped secondhand
Enrolled in several social service programs that I qualified for
High Conflict Divorce Coaching Cut Down on My Legal Fees
My coach helped me find language to explain my situation to attorneys. This saved me from emotional overwhelm and helped me communicate clearly. Once they understood, I was able to secure a payment plan that worked within my budget.
I also worried that asking too many questions would create debt. Instead, my coach taught me a method for communicating with my attorney efficiently. It saved me money and kept our working relationship professional and smooth.
What I Know Now About Surviving Economic Abuse
As survivors know, divorcing a narcissist is not a sprint, it is a marathon. My coach made that marathon far less painful and far less lonely. Through the process, I learned a few truths that still ground me today:
Narcissistic abuse is naturally isolating, even after separation but we are not alone. From social service programs to food pantries, support groups, and online communities, help exists everywhere. My coach lovingly reminded me that isolation was part of the illusion. Seeing that clearly changed everything.
Divorcing a narcissist is not a mystery. Having one expert on your side makes a world of difference. Certified High Conflict Divorce Coaches understand the patterns, the emotional traps, and the way abusers use the system. Once I realized there were professionals who truly understood this, I stopped feeling like hope was a long shot.
There is always a solution. Early in my coaching sessions, I hit a wall and blurted out, “I have no job history, no skills, no bank account, and no future. Why are we even doing this?” My coach paused and reminded me that it is never too early to start building a life rooted in safety and self trust. She told me there is always a solution, and she helped me find the resourcefulness I thought I had lost.
My children and I were not living in comfort. There were no shortcuts, no sudden career breakthroughs. It took years of side gigs, late nights, studying, and a steady commitment to healing but we made it to the other side, and I know you can too.
Story shared with permission. Some details have been changed to protect privacy.
Want support during your high conflict divorce or custody battle (a High Conflict Divorce Coach can help you even if you were never married, and even if you are post divorce). Connect with a coach at: https://www.hcdivorcecoach.com/category
Want to support survivors through their high conflict cases? Explore our coach training program here: https://www.hcdivorcecoach.com/
