Divorcing a Narcissist? Here’s What Kids Really Need To Thrive (Spoiler: It’s Not a Traditional 2-Parent Household)

You haven’t failed - you’ve created a structure where your child can thrive. 

Let’s combine our communal nickels. 

Every time a family member, friend, coworker, or well-meaning grocery story patron has said something like, “Well, do what you need to do, but it’s a shame your family is breaking up.”

As if divorce is the reason the family is “breaking”. As if a traditional two-parent household is what makes children thrive - regardless of what is actually happening in the household.

Children Don’t Need Two Parents 

More and more, we are learning that the traditional two-parent family model doesn’t offer safety in and of itself. 

In fact, when one partner is volatile, emotionally vacant, violent, or unpredictable, children feel less safe and stable at home.

Instead of a Traditional Two-Parent Household, Here’s What Kids Need:

Instead of a two-parent household to thrive, children actually need:

• One emotionally safe parent (empowering, advocating, and empathizing with the child consistently);

• A low-conflict environment where their nervous systems can relax;

• A model for healthy relationships (not a martyr to unhealthy relationships for the sake of the family).

• Stability and routine (not created from wealth, nice things, or fancy trips - this can be created with emotional verbal check-ins, meeting children’s physical and emotional needs, and gentle, loving boundaries).

Protective Parents: You Are Enough

Society may consistently shame protective parents for leaving an abusive spouse, not providing a materialistic lifestyle, or choosing to pursue litigation as advocacy for their child. 

But know this: your child feels your advocacy. They feel your authentic care and love. They know the reality of living with an abuser, and they feel the difference when they’re with you. 

Support is Crucial for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

If family, friends, and others scrutinize or criticize your decisions, please seek support outside of those circles. It’s vital to have a supportive community upholding and honoring the difficult decisions you are making for your family. 

If you are a survivor navigating this difficult journey, we encourage you to explore our online courses at therulebookacademy.com or connect with a graduate from our coach training program at hcdivorcecoach.com/category.

If you are a survivor looking to turn your pain into purpose, we invite you to explore our eight-week certification course at hcdivorcecoach.com