I’m Divorcing a Narcissist: What Should I Expect?

Divorcing a narcissistic abuser is uniquely challenging, but it doesn’t have to feel unpredictable.

If you are looking for a roadmap, you are in the right place.

If you’re divorcing a narcissistic or high conflict individual, you’re here because you instinctively know that you’re in for a difficult battle - and you need to be prepared, aware, and informed.

Narcissistic and high conflict individuals are notoriously vicious when faced with separation and divorce. Knowing what to expect and how to prepare is crucial for your wellbeing.

What Should I Expect if I’m Divorcing a Narcissist?

A common, dangerous, misconception is that separation and divorce end abuse. 

Actually, when a victim is able to gain physical distance from the abuser through separation and/or divorce, the abuser often lashes out. After an initial (sometimes repeated, or series of) serious abusive event(s), often societally minimized or justified because of the recent separation, the abuser settles into patterns of coercive control modified to the new living arrangement. This is called Post-Separation Abuse.

Prepare to Divorce Your Narcissistic Partner

You can begin preparing for divorce by knowing what to expect from your partner. 

1. Know that your partner will likely begin making grandiose promises in efforts to reconcile or “part on good terms.” Remember to consult with your divorce attorney about everything legal. Don’t make any verbal or written agreements with the narcissistic abuser (this includes text, social media messaging, and email).
   Pleas for reconciliation may feel genuine - try to maintain boundaries during this time. Follow court orders, maintain separation, practice self-care. 

2. Many survivors experience a significant abusive episode close to the time of separation - often, domestic violence, verbal abuse, clearing bank accounts, or stalking and threats. Careful safety planning with a trusted friend, victim advocate, Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach, or family member is key. Safety planning is simply determining how you will prepare for and respond to certain conditions that threaten your safety. 

3. Often, the narcissistic abuser will drain bank accounts, cancel credit cards, and leave debts in your name. This is a terribly dirty trick that blindsides many victims. 

4. Expect your partner to obtain legal counsel. Even though they said they weren’t. Too often, narcissistic abusers are working with attorneys long before victims even know they need to hire one. Prepare by researching attorneys now. Use an incognito browser, and start calling the highest rated attorneys in your area. 

5. The narcissistic abuser may begin using the children as pawns. 

Certified High Conflict Divorce Coaches Guide You Through Divorce

If you’re experiencing the fear, grief, and overwhelm that many survivors feel when faced with the realities of divorcing a narcissist, please know you’re not alone.

Our Certified High Conflict Divorce Coaches are trained to guide you, beginning to end, through the divorce and child custody process.

If you are a survivor navigating this difficult journey, we encourage you to explore our online courses at therulebookacademy.com or connect with a graduate from our coach training program at hcdivorcecoach.com/category.

If you are a survivor looking to turn your pain into purpose, we invite you to explore our eight-week certification course at hcdivorcecoach.com