Preparing Your Kids for a Visitation They Don’t Want to Attend

When your children resist or dread court-ordered visitation with an abusive parent, you are forced into one of the most painful situations a protective parent can face. It truly is being stuck between a rock and a hard place. You may feel powerless, heartbroken, furious, and afraid. You are not alone in that. The family court system often fails to prioritize children’s safety, leaving parents to navigate impossible choices. But while you can’t control everything, you can shape how you show up for your children. This is in your control. The way you respond to them, manage the moment, and care for yourself can turn an overwhelming crisis into a more connected, grounded experience for both of you.

Here are some ways to support your kids as they prepare for a visitation they don’t want to attend:

Validate and Empathize When your children share their fear, dread, or reluctance, resist the urge to immediately fix it or minimize it. Instead, validate what they feel. You might say: “That is so hard. I get it.” “Tell me how that feels in your body.” “I believe you.” Validation gives them permission to feel without shame and reminds them they are heard and seen, even when you cannot change the situation.

Reassure Without making promises you can’t keep, reassure them of their own inner strength and your unwavering presence. You might say: “I know this is hard, but you are strong and brave.” “I will be here waiting for you. We will have a great week together after.” This helps them feel secure in your love and in the predictable rhythms of your relationship.

Empower Teach your kids practical ways to advocate for themselves when they feel unsafe or uncomfortable in any situation but never connected directly to the other parent. You can discuss how they can navigate a challenging teacher, how to use their voice in social situations or what to do if they ever feel physically unsafe. Empowering them with skills and knowledge can help reduce feelings of helplessness.

Connect After Visitation When they come back, prioritize connection over interrogation or productivity. Choose something calming and grounding that isn’t mentally demanding. Ideas include: Watching a movie together, sharing a favorite meal, reading books, taking a gentle walk. These rituals signal safety and belonging. They can help your children transition back into the security of home.

There is no perfect solution for the anxiety and heartbreak of sending your children to a court-ordered visitation you know is harmful. It is an act of survival in a system that often fails to see them. What you can do is focus on what is within your control. Meeting your child with validation, reassurance, and empowerment can make a difference for them and for you.

Your mental health matters and so does your need for support. Certified High Conflict Divorce Coaches are trained to understand these impossible situations. They can help you develop a plan for navigating visitation challenges, supporting your kids emotionally, and caring for yourself in the process. If you’re looking for someone to help you strategize with compassion and expertise, visit www.hcdivorcecoach.com/category to learn more or find a coach who understands what you’re facing.