Is My Narcissistic Ex Stalking Me?
When you’re divorcing a narcissist or navigating custody with an abusive ex, one of the most alarming forms of post-separation abuse is stalking and harassment. Even after separation, abusers often find new ways to maintain control and instill fear. This ongoing pattern is called Post Separation Abuse, and it can take many forms but stalking is one of the most dangerous.
Stalking During the Relationship
While you were still together, stalking and harassment might have blended into other controlling behaviors. You may not have even recognized it as stalking at the time. Examples include: Demanding access to your cell phone or checking your messages without consent. Using GPS or other methods to track your location, then interrogating you about where you went or who you were with. Unexpectedly showing up during trips or outings you planned alone or with friends and pretending it was helpful or spontaneous. Coming to your workplace or other personal spaces uninvited, even after being asked not to. These behaviors are not signs of love or care. They are about surveillance, power, and control.
Stalking After Separation
When you leave, the abuse often doesn’t end, it just changes form. Post-separation stalking and harassment may look like: Placing GPS trackers on your vehicle or monitoring your movements through social media check-ins or location data. Hacking or attempting to access your social media, email, or other online accounts. Showing up unannounced to places where you and the children are, even when it’s not their visitation time. Coming to your home despite protective orders or your clear verbal or written instructions to stay away. Abusers may justify these behaviors as concern for the children, “just checking in,” or other excuses. But these are not benign actions. They are deliberate tactics to create fear and maintain control.
Why This Is So Dangerous
Stalking is a strong predictor of escalating violence. It is a serious red flag that should never be minimized or ignored. If you are experiencing stalking whether it happened during the relationship or is continuing post-separation, it is vital to take it seriously. We recommend reaching out immediately to your local domestic violence agency. They can help you to create a personalized safety plan. Decide whether and how to report to law enforcement. Assess risk factors and make critical decisions to help you and your children stay safe. You do not have to navigate this alone.
How a Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach Can Help
In addition to your local domestic violence resources, working with a Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach can be a crucial part of your safety and strategy plan. These professionals are specifically trained to understand the dynamics of post-separation abuse, including stalking and harassment. A coach can help you: Identify and recognize the subtle forms of ongoing abuse. Document incidents in ways that support your legal case. Develop strategies for managing communication and co-parenting safely. Navigate the family court system with a trauma-informed, strategic approach. You deserve support that is knowledgeable, nonjudgmental, and committed to your safety and your children's well-being. If you want to learn more about working with a Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach, visit www.hcdivorcecoach.com (“find a divorce coach”) to find resources and connect with someone who understands exactly what you’re facing.
