Divorcing a Narcissist? Here’s What Traditional Systems Miss (And Why You Need Specialized Support)
The judge believes my ex’s lies.
My therapist keeps asking when I’m going to stop letting my kids see their abusive parent.
My clergy told me that I won’t feel peace until I forgive and reconcile.
My attorney wants to settle with a parenting plan I can’t live with.
If you’re here, you’re not alone.
Traditional Systems Don’t Make Sense in the Context of Narcissistic Abuse
Traditional systems, religious, mental health, medical, legal, and so forth, simply aren’t built for the complexities of narcissistic abuse. They’re built on the fundamental principle that all people are acting on good faith.
So when a player enters the system with ill-intent, manipulation, and well-disguised cruelty, it may feel like every system caters to the narcissist rather than serving the survivor.
For example, marital counseling is an excellent resource for couples who are acting in good faith, are honest with each other, and want to improve their relationship.
But if one spouse is gaslighting, threatening, and manipulating the other, then marital counseling becomes a terrifying and dangerous setting.
The Family Court System is a “Traditional System” That Does Not Serve Victims
Perhaps the most glaring example of a traditional system that does not make space for the reality of individuals who do not come in good faith, is the family court system.
When the assumption is that every parent is seeking the best interest of the child, regardless of evidence and the child’s lived experience and feelings, parental rights trump children’s safety.
When victims seek safety in the courts, abusers seek more control.
When victims seek accountability in the courts, abusers seek retribution.
When victims seek outcomes that make sense for their children, even if they’re not perfect solutions, abusers seek to win at all costs. And winning to a narcissist means that the victim is losing everything that matters to them.
Certified High Conflict Divorce Coaches Understand the Dynamics of Narcissistic Abuse
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic individual, separating, or have left, it’s essential that you seek support from systems and individuals who understand the realities and complexities of abuse, and can help you stay in reality.
Certified High Conflict Divorce Coaches can spot:
Covert threats
Gaslighting
Weaponized threats, such as alienation or gatekeeping
Manipulated attempts at settlements or mediation
Our coaches are trained to help you:
Develop a radical acceptance mindset
Learn how to respond to the narcissist with strategic, tactical responses that will present you in the best light to court professionals
Spot abuse and manipulation
Stay in reality, even when the abuser and their flying monkeys are doing all they can to gaslight you
Create systems in your life for self-care and support.
Certified High Conflict Divorce Coaches are incredible because they simultaneously understand complex trauma and complex custody schedules.
Want support during your high conflict divorce or custody battle? Look here.
Want to train with us and support survivors during their high conflict divorce or custody battle? Look here.
