Overcoming The Fear of What They'll Say: Choosing a Meaningful Remote Career Despite My Ex’s Opinions

Guest Post from a Graduate of the High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program:

One of the hardest parts about becoming a Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach isn't the training, the certification process, or even starting a business.

It's knowing that people are going to have opinions.

The Fear of Your Narcissistic Ex Judging Your Career Path

For me, the fear wasn't that strangers would judge me. It was the fear that my ex and his family would.

What would they say if they found out? Would they laugh? Roll their eyes? Tell people I was obsessed with the divorce? Accuse me of making a career out of being a victim? Would they see my certification as some kind of attack on them?

Those thoughts have a way of taking up a lot of space.

Doubting Yourself Post-Narcissistic Abuse

The strange thing is that when you've spent years being criticized, dismissed, or second-guessed, you start carrying those voices around with you. Eventually, they don't even have to say anything. You already know what they would say, so you say it to yourself first.

You're not qualified.

Who do you think you are?

People are going to think this is ridiculous.

They're going to talk about you.

For a long time, those imagined conversations felt more real than my actual desire to do this work.

Divorcing a Narcissist Means Divorcing Their Opinions

What finally shifted things for me was realizing that I was still giving people from my past a vote in my future.

Not because they had earned it. Not because they were right. Simply because I was afraid of their reaction.

The truth is, becoming a divorce coach doesn't mean I have all the answers. It doesn't mean my divorce strategy was perfect or that I handled every situation flawlessly. It means I have walked through something difficult, I've learned from it, I've pursued training, and I want to help other people who are where I once was.

Your Lived Experience Qualifies You For This Work

Many coaches choose this career path because they understand how isolating conflict can be. They know what it feels like to sit awake at night wondering how they're going to survive another custody dispute, another threatening email, another court date. They know what it feels like to question themselves constantly.

There is value in that understanding.

And yet, even knowing that, I still worried about being judged, being too visible, or having my motives questioned. 

I worried that my ex's family would tell a version of the story where my decision to become a coach somehow proved every negative thing they already believed about me.

Their Reaction? Not Your Problem. 

What I've come to understand is that their reaction is not actually the problem. The problem is believing that their reaction should determine my choices.

If someone is committed to misunderstanding me, there is very little I can do about that. I cannot build a life around preventing criticism, or build a career based on what will make my ex and his family comfortable.

Lived Experience Matters 

The reality is that people who have never had the courage to rebuild their lives after divorcing a narcissist may not understand why someone would choose this path. That's okay. They don't have to understand it.

The People Who Actually Need Your Help

The people I hope to help do understand it.

The parent terrified to open the next email, the person documenting every interaction because nobody believes what's happening, the individual trying to hold themselves together while navigating a system they never wanted to enter.

Those are the people I'm thinking about now. Not my ex, his family, or the people watching from the sidelines. 

For too long, I measured my choices against the possibility of their disapproval.

The Final Boundary

Becoming a coach requires a different question:

What would I do if I stopped asking for permission from people who were never going to give it?

That's the question that finally moved me forward.

If you are a survivor navigating this difficult journey, we encourage you to explore our online courses at therulebookacademy.com or connect with a graduate from our coach training program at hcdivorcecoach.com/category.

If you are a survivor looking to turn your pain into purpose, we invite you to explore our eight-week certification course at hcdivorcecoach.com