Is Your Abusive Ex Ramping Up? You Are Not Imagining Things

Many survivors reach a moment where they pause and ask themselves, “Is it getting worse or am I just on edge?” If that question has been circling in your mind lately, read this clearly: you are not imagining things.

Across the country, survivors of abuse, especially those navigating post-separation relationships with narcissistic or high-conflict ex-partners, are reporting a noticeable escalation in volatility. More threats. More control tactics. More intimidation disguised as “concern,” “parental rights,” or “just asking questions.” What once felt contained now feels unpredictable.

Why Are Narcissistic Abusers Escalating Their Behaviors?

This escalation doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It is fueled by a world order that continues to uphold entitlement, protect a lack of accountability, normalize misogyny, and prioritize parental rights over children’s rights.

When systems reinforce the idea that control is deserved and harm will go unchallenged, individuals who already rely on dominance to regulate their sense of self are emboldened. For them, perceived loss of power becomes intolerable. The result is often increased rage, impulsivity, and risk-taking behavior.

Survivors sense this shift long before they can articulate it: through tighter shoulders, constant vigilance, and the unmistakable feeling that the ground is once again becoming unstable.

If your nervous system is sounding the alarm, it’s doing its job.

This is why we say it together, out loud, without apology:

Strategy saves our lives. Strategy saves our lives. Our children’s lives. Our lives.

My Abuser is Escalating: What Do I Do?

Hope alone is not a safety plan. Compliance is not protection. And “keeping the peace” rarely de-escalates someone who thrives on power and reaction.

Now is the time for careful, intentional, supported strategy.

Strategy means slowing down instead of reacting. It means documenting instead of explaining. It means choosing language with legal and psychological foresight, not emotional urgency. It means understanding how systems, especially family court systems, often misinterpret abuse dynamics, and preparing accordingly. Most importantly, it means not doing this alone.

Survivors are often pressured to be endlessly flexible, cooperative, and accommodating “for the sake of the children.” But children are not protected by forcing a parent to endure escalating abuse. Children are protected when the safe parent is supported, regulated, informed, and strategic.

Are Resources Available for Protective Parents?

This season requires a different level of clarity.

If you are navigating a high-conflict or narcissistic ex who appears to be ramping up, now is not the time to minimize, second-guess yourself, or wait for things to “blow over.” Escalation is information. Patterns are data. Your lived experience matters.

Support exists, and it matters where you get it.

We encourage survivors to seek out education and guidance that understands abuse dynamics, coercive control, and the realities of post-separation harm. Our online courses are designed to help survivors think strategically, protect themselves, and reduce risk while navigating complex systems. Additionally, connecting with a graduate of our High Conflict Divorce Coach training program can provide personalized, informed support grounded in both safety and strategy.

You are not paranoid. You are perceptive.

And with the right strategy, support, and guidance, you do not have to face this escalation alone.

If you are a survivor navigating this difficult journey, we encourage you to explore our online courses at therulebookacademy.com or connect with a graduate from our coach training program at hcdivorcecoach.com/category.

If you are a survivor looking to turn your pain into purpose, we invite you to explore our eight-week certification course at hcdivorcecoach.com.