How Do I Create a “Chosen Family” After Divorcing a Narcissist?
Many survivors of narcissistic abuse find themselves profoundly isolated after divorce.
The narcissist’s tactics may have:
Damaged or destroyed relationships with your family of origin
Turned friends or neighbors against you
Created rifts within faith communities
Left you feeling like you have no one who truly understands
When the dust settles, you may realize you are starting again without a reliable support system. In that deep loneliness, the idea of a “chosen family” can become not just comforting, but essential.
What Is a “Chosen Family”?
A chosen family is a network of people, not necessarily related by blood, who choose one another for support, kindness, and care.
In a chosen family:
Connection is based on safety, trust, and reciprocity
People accept you as you are, without conditions
You are allowed to show up with both your strength and your vulnerability
There are no rules about how many people you “should” have or what roles they must fill. Your chosen family might include:
Another survivor who understands the court battle
A neighbor who checks in on you
A friend who always answers late night texts
A mentor, therapist, or coach
People you meet in support groups or healing circles
The only requirement is that you feel safe and seen.
How Can I Begin Building a Chosen Family When I Have Been Isolated?
After betrayal and isolation, the idea of trusting anyone new can feel impossible.
It helps to remember:
Building a chosen family is not an overnight task
It begins as a quiet intention long before it becomes a visible reality
You are allowed to move slowly, with caution and self protection
Often, survivors need time for deep healing before they are ready for new connections. That might include:
Trauma informed counseling
Somatic work to help your body feel safer
Consistent support from professionals and peers
There is no deadline. You get to move at your own pace.
I’m Ready to Begin Building My Chosen Family – Where Do I Start?
The first steps are usually small and simple.
You might start by:
Sharing a small part of your story in a support group
Joining an online survivor community where your experience is normalized
Participating in a faith based or community based healing group
Attending a workshop or retreat for survivors
As you listen to others and gently share more of yourself, you begin to recognize who feels safe and who does not. Over time, some connections will deepen. Some will stay casual. Both are valuable.
Many survivors find that as they connect with other survivors, they start to:
Trust their intuition more
Recognize early red flags in relationships
Practice setting healthy boundaries
Experience what mutual care and respect feel like
Those skills then carry over into friendships, romantic relationships, community, and work.
You Do Not Have to Do This Alone
Life after divorcing a narcissist is not just about surviving court. It is about rebuilding a life that has room for connection, joy, and steady support.
High Conflict Divorce Coaches are trained to support you in the “after” season, not just during active litigation. They can help you:
Work through the isolation that follows abuse and court
Identify safe spaces and communities to explore
Build practical steps toward connection that feel doable
Normalize how strange and new healthy relationships can feel at first
You deserve a circle of people who are glad you exist, who believe you, and who offer care instead of criticism when you need support.
Want support during your high conflict divorce or custody battle
Find a Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach near you: https://www.hcdivorcecoach.com/category
Want to support survivors through their high conflict cases
Explore our coach training program: https://www.hcdivorcecoach.com/
