Here’s Why I Took a Settlement in My Child Custody Battle
The “Pick Your Battle” mentality does wonders for protective parents’ mental health, stability, and overall wellness.
In a high conflict child custody battle, protective parents often feel like they’re getting caught in a terrifying storm. Pelted - left, right, above, below, with a never-ending torrent of attacks. It can feel as if the attacks are relentless, and defending oneself and one’s family becomes second nature.
Learning How to Pick Your Battles is an Essential Tool
Learning how to “pick your battles” is an essential tool in every protective parent’s tool kit. Because the reality is that in the torrential storm of a high conflict child custody battle, the narcissistic parent will likely come at you with everything they have, constantly. Responding to every single attack simply isn’t sustainable.
From minor scheduling conflict, to religious decisions, to parenting philosophies, to serious issues like abuse and mistreatment, every fight requires energy, emotional bandwidth, and time. Some battles are absolutely worth every last bit of endurance, money, time, and bandwidth you have, but others are simply not worth it.
“Settling” as Picking Your Battles
Many protective parents find themselves wound up in confusion and frustration when presented with a settlement. Because settlements are compromises, protective parents often agonize over concerns, like:
If I accept a settlement, am I giving up on justice?
If I accept a settlement, am I handing over my hard-earned assets?
If I accept a settlement, am I choosing the “easy way out” instead of fighting for what is right?
If I accept a settlement, am I giving my kids the best possible life?
Because every legal situation is different, and every settlement is uniquely created, no two situations will look the same. But it’s important to understand that when protective parents do accept settlements, it’s often because they are picking their battles in an effort to preserve peace of mind, mental stability, and well-being.
Are You Considering a Settlement in Your High Conflict Custody Battle?
A knowledgeable, strong attorney is very important in these scenarios. If you are considering a settlement, the following questions may help you:
When I look at the big picture instead of each detail, do I feel more peaceful or less peaceful?
Will this settlement allow me to focus on the children’s health, safety, and well-being in a more consistent, detailed, and involved way?
Can I retain my sense of reality if I accept this settlement?
Settling is Not Giving Up or Giving In
Many protective parents wrestle with the feeling that if they do settle, they aren’t fighting hard enough for their children.
Try to remember that if you determine that a settlement is the most efficient route to well-being and stability, you are doing your part to protect your children. None of us have a crystal ball - there is no telling if further litigation would work in your favor or not. If a settlement feels like the best way to resolve your high conflict custody battle, trust your instincts and know that family court is a marathon. You always have the option of re-entering the battlefield if your situation requires it.
If you are a survivor navigating this difficult journey, we encourage you to explore our online courses at therulebookacademy.com or connect with a graduate from our coach training program at hcdivorcecoach.com/category.
If you are a survivor looking to turn your pain into purpose, we invite you to explore our eight-week certification course at hcdivorcecoach.com
